


Jingle Hells

by ZombieJesus



Series: Checkmate AU Side Fics and One-Shots [4]
Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: A Checkmate Christmas, A wild fluff appears, Also Near’s head makes a festive tree topper, Christmas Crack, Do you really want an Xmas present from B?, Fluff and Crack, Gen, How does Ryuk buy presents?, L gets all the candies, Multi, Nothing says Merry Christmas like indiscriminate havoc then chilling with s’mores under the stars, Scythes are always useful, Secret Santa at Kira HQ, So maybe I got a little carried away and there’s a missle launcher in there somewhere, Three short chapters, Uh oh Ryuk got the mother of all SuperSoakers, Watch me rewrite Xmas songs for Death Note, What did the boys get each other for Xmas?, Why are the presents bleeding, Xmas trees can fly right? Oh good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-17 08:09:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13072746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZombieJesus/pseuds/ZombieJesus
Summary: ZJ’s take on the following prompt:**The unholy trio are celebrating Christmas. Light ponders why they celebrate Christmas in the first place. L says he gets food. Beyond doesn’t care. Sappy fluff. Everyone is happy. ‘Cept Near cuz he’s in Mu.**[glances at tags] I might have embellished a bit. Gonna be three short chapters of holiday fun (and a dash of havoc) with Light, Beyond, and L. First they try to find a perfect Christmas tree, next is Kira HQ Secret Santa, then pondering why they celebrate Christmas.





	1. The Perfect Tree

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Checkmate](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12018279) by [ZombieJesus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZombieJesus/pseuds/ZombieJesus). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light, L, and Beyond try to pick out the perfect Christmas tree

“Nope. Too small.”

 

Light sighed, exasperated. “L, you’ve said that about every tree in this kamiforsaken place. Too small, too big, too ratty, too bushy, too green, too pointy....I don’t think your perfect Christmas tree even exists on Earth.”

 

Ryuk scratched his head, “Well they look better than the ones in the shinigami realm. But not much, hyuk.”

 

Beyond took a sip of the complimentary cider from the tree farm and sputtered it out loudly with a look of disgust, “BLECKKKK! I think L’s onto something. This place sucks. Ugh.” He tossed the paper cup behind him and it boinked an old lady in her wig. She almost said something but when Beyond turned around and grinned she just clutched her handbag closer and hurried away. 

 

L gave them a look of infinite patience, pushing his thumb against his lip. “Light, it occurs to me that a Christmas tree farm next to a highway rest stop may not have been the best idea to find a good tree on Christmas Eve.”

 

Light laughed, crossing his arms, “I’ll have to thank Mello later for the tip.”

 

L’s eyes suddenly went wide. “Look! That’s it!” He pointed a spindly finger off into the distance, into the woods behind the sketchy as hell rest stop. “The perfect tree!”

 

Beyond squinted his red eyes, looking into the woods. “Um, L. That tree’s like, still attached to the ground and shit.”

 

L was not to be deterred and grabbed Light’s and Beyond’s hands, dragging them into the woods towards his prize tree. When they were in front of it he turned huge grey puppy dog eyes to Light. “Yes this is an acceptable tree. Please kami.”

 

Light had to admit is was a pretty great tree. Not too big or too small for Kira HQ. Probably 15 feet tall. The bushiness was well balanced with its height, without a hint of rattiness. He laughed softly, “Ok, stand back you two.” 

 

Beyond and L stepped back and Light pulled his scythe out of thin air with a flash of sparks. He turned to them with a smirk, “So an ancient magical weapon gifted to a future god and meant fell immortals is gonna hack down your damn Christmas tree, huh L?”

 

L nodded happily and Beyond laughed, “Just pretend it’s Near’s neck.”

 

“The things I do for you L.” Light shrugged and pulled the scythe back, smoothly slicing low across the bottom of the tree trunk. It wavered a moment and then Light realized the tree was falling towards them, “Oh shit! Run!” They scrambled backwards as the tree crashed down a few feet away.

 

Beyond took a deep breath, and looked down at it. “Huh. How are we gonna get this thing home? Cause the Mustang ain’t gonna hold that monster tree.”

 

Light looked around, “Hey Ryuk!”

 

Ryuk flapped over, holding an old lady’s purse in his talons. He was rummaging through it, throwing out dentures, linty peppermints, decades-old receipts. “What is it Light-o?” He went back to rummaging.

 

Light gave him a curious look. “Ryuk what in the hell are you doing? Are you stealing old ladies’ purses?” He laughed despite himself. “Go give that back.”

 

”Uh uh. Don’t worry you’ll thank me later Light. Anyway, what did you want?”

 

Light pointed to L’s tree. “We need to get that back home and...”

 

Ryuk rolled his eyes, “Yeah yeah, and you want me to fly it home do ya?” He slipped the flower-patterned purse up his gangly arm, clearly meaning to take it home too.

 

Beyond giggled, “Won’t that look a little weird? I mean, a 15-ft spruce hovering across Tokyo?” He gave L a playful jab with his elbow. “People are gonna be losing their minds L. Phones ringin’ off the hook to hire you to solve the case of the haunted levitating Christmas tree.” He gave Light a look and they smirked and laughed. Mocking, “Oh L....save us....it smells like piney freshness and I’m just so scaaaaaareedd.”

 

L chewed a nail. His mind was made up. “I want my tree.”

 

Ryuk chuckled and hoisted up the tree. “Whelp. Nothing for it then. See you guys back at HQ.” And a 15-ft spruce started to make its way through the air in broad daylight towards Kira HQ, Ryuk reaching in to grab the occasional angry squirrel and hurl them at pedestrians.


	2. Kira HQ Secret Santa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They decorate the tree. Everyone gets presents.

Back at HQ, the mood was very festive as Watari had decorated the entire place while they were away. Evergreen boughs and twinkling lights hung from the balcony and rafters, and L’s screens were displaying crackling fires. The whole team—Matsuda, Mello, Watari— was there waiting for the centerpiece to arrive. And arrive it did.

 

Ryuk phased into HQ, dragging his tired wings behind him, puffing and covered in sap and pine needles. “Pft..pff...pff...the tree...outside...go get....” And he collapsed onto the couch, shoving Mello aside and into the floor, falling right to sleep and snoring loudly.

 

”Hmpfh! How rude!” Mello tossed his hair and turned to Matsuda. “Cmon you. Go get that tree before L gets back!” Then he grabbed a sharpie and started drawing dirty pictures on Ryuk’s face and giggling.

 

Matsuda looked nervous but he and Mello managed to clear the tree of remaining woodland creatures and prop it up in the middle of the high-ceilinged monitor room right in time for Light, L, and Beyond to walk in the front door.

 

L circled the tree happily, giving it approving nods, then ducked into Watari’s office. He came back with an armful of presents that he unceremoniously dumped under the tree. “I think these are all of them. Anything missing?”

 

Beyond grinned, “Well, I have something to add.” He stifled a laugh and reached behind a desk, picking up a terribly-wrapped present and chucking it under the tree. “We better open it first I think.”

 

Light looked closely at Beyond’s present. It was just crudely covered in newspaper like he’d spend all of 2 seconds and one piece of tape on it. “Beyond, why is that present bleeding?” His nose crinkled up as he caught a whiff. “And what’s that smell?”

 

Beyond’s eyes widened innocently. “Whatever could you mean?” He pointed to it. “That’s for you and Mello, Light. Open it.” His shinigami eyes shone.

 

”Me AND Mello? Uh oh.” He gave Mello a look and took the present. It was dripping blood from one corner. “B, I swear to kami....”

 

Beyond laughed hard, “Oh you’ll love it.”

 

Light flinched and opened a corner then the rest of the paper, while Mello took off the box’s lid. Mello gasped loudly with delight. Inside was...”NEAR’S HEAD!”

 

Mello clapped his hands excitedly then reached in and grabbed it by the fluffy white hair. He grinned at it, “Oh and I’m the failure huh? I’m the disgrace? L wouldn’t pick ME eh? Bwhahahaha! Looks who’s laughing now NEAR!”

 

L smirked, “Doesn’t this count as re-gifting? Oh well, I think I know just what to do with that.” He kicked Ryuk awake then whispered something in his ear. The shinigami chuckled and then flew by Mello, swiping the head and jamming it down on the top of the tree like a macabre tree topper.

 

Light gazed up at it with a tight smile, then wrapped an arm around L. “Perfect.” The snowy white hair and bright red globs of blood really were quite festive.

 

Watari came in pushing a cart with cups of cocoa and handed them out along with a package for everyone, even Ryuk. “Everyone, I also have some presents to give out. I hope you enjoy them, I made them myself.” He drew up proudly.

 

Watari’s presents were beautifully wrapped of course, and inside were...the ugliest hand knitted Christmas sweaters imaginable, all with their initials on them. “Please everyone put them on!”

 

Light held his up and tried to smile over his grimace, it had a big K and lots of tiny scythes and little black books. L slipped his right on and smiled happily, his had cupcakes and a big L. Matsuda’s was just plain white with an M, Mello’s was a hideous lime green. Beyond’s was pink and fluffy with roses on it. Ryuk’s was red, covered in apples, and several sizes too small but somehow he squeezed into it, looking a bit strangled.

 

Ryuk looked down, “Hyuk! I don’t think gods of death are meant to wear such uh...festive attire.” 

 

Light smirked at him, “Dunno, you look pretty scary to me.” Ryuk glared at him like ‘look who’s talking.’

 

L snuggled down in his, sucking on a candy cane, “Watari, you knit?”

 

Watari nodded stiffly, “What did you think I do back there in my office, sir?”

 

The rest of the group handed out presents: Matsuda got a huge package of plain white socks, Watari got a half-day off and a new Dyson, Mello gave everyone half-melted chocolate bars, L passed out incredibly boring-looking books about crime statistics, Beyond handed out various pieces of Near, and Ryuk gave them each in turn a credit card.

 

Light took the credit card and looked down in surprise, “Ryuk...who in the hell is Mrs. Margaret Dolittle?”

 

Ryuk looked a bit sheepish, pulling the flowery handbag closer, and chuckled, “Er...well Light-o I didn’t have much chance to go shopping...” He’d gotten a little attached to the purse and now thought it might be a very useful thing to keep around, he was getting tired of hiding stuff in his wings.

 

”You mean stealing...”

 

”Yeah that, anyway I figured now you can just go buy whatever it is you want right?” He grinned hopefully and no one had the heart to tell him that he’d just committed a terrible crime against a little old lady who now would have a shitty Christmas. Oh well.

 

Beyond looked down at the book L had given him with disdain. “L....I’m sorry, but... this present sucks.” He reached over and took Light’s boring book and dumped them both in the trash. 

 

L giggled a little behind his thumb, “You ungrateful clone. Dumping my present like that.” But he did indeed have better presents. He leaped up, “Ok everybody, up to the roof then.”

 

Everyone headed up to the roof and as soon as they stepped out, they all gasped. A sleek black helicopter was parked next to L’s white one, with an enormous red bow on top. “Merry Christmas Light.”

 

“Holy shit!” Light grinned wide and grabbed L, kissing him hard and then running to the shiny helicopter. He pulled open the door and jumped in, shouting out, “L you gotta show me how to fly this thing!”

 

L turned to a pouting Beyond. “I really just should give you coal you know.”

 

Beyond stuck out his bottom lip in fake hurt, but it transformed into a sly grin, “But you didn’t.”

 

L rolled his eyes, “I’m going to regret this.” He pointed to a tripod in the corner covered by a sheet. “Merry Christmas Beyond.”

 

Beyond skipped over to the sheet and yanked it back, “OH. FUCK.” Everyone gathered over to see what it was....a missle launcher! All tied up in a pretty black satin bow. Beyond ran an appreciative hand on it then grabbed it up with a squeal, running around with it and screaming at the top of his lungs. He stopped at the edge of the roof and hoisted it onto his shoulder, pointing it off the roof.

 

Everyone yelled, “BEYOND NO!!”

 

But it was too late, he had lifted it up to the horizon and pulled the trigger, throwing him backwards a bit with a maniacal giggle. “Wheee!!” KAPOWWW!!!!

 

They all stared slack jawed as a fiery missle streaked out towards the sky and then exploded into an enormous red and green firework. Beyond stomped his foot and turned to L, who was now himself giggling. “You didn’t think I’d give YOU real missles did you?”

 

Beyond smirked at him and launched a few more fireworks into the sky, and then one directly into a group of random pedestrians walking below. Everyone gathered at the edge of the roof to watch them scatter in all directions with screams and shrieks, Mello and Beyond wheezing they were laughing so hard.

 

“I seem to have underestimated you once again Beyond.” L sighed but let a smile creep across one side of his face. “Well, while we’re at it...here Ryuk.” L pulled a big present from a closet and tossed it to Ryuk. “That’s from all of us.”

 

Ryuk looked surprised but tore apart the paper with his talons. “HYUK!” His red eyes glowed brightly. Almost reverently, “A MindFlayer9000X with the backpack reservoir and auto pump action.” His long black fingers trembled as he put the backpack on over Watari’s ugly sweater, careful not to disturb the purse. He pulled one of Mrs. Doolittle’s credit cards from it and chucked it off the roof. “Whelp! Won’t be needing that I guess! Thanks guys!” He hoisted up the MindFlayer9000x and gave it a few strong pumps to prime it. “Ohhhhh that smooth action, hyuk. I hope you filled it with fake blood for me L?”

 

Mello grinned, “No need Ryuk. Just thank Near every time you douse some rando, ok?”

 

Beyond motioned Ryuk over to the side of the roof then let his wings burst out, tearing the sweater and making Watari yelp sadly. He stared down at the throngs of innocent Christmas shoppers, softly laughing to himself. “Cmon Ryuk.” He hovered a bit off the roof holding his firework launcher, “Let’s go have a fucking MERRY CHRISTMAS!” And he and Ryuk shot off to bring some holiday cheer to the good unsuspecting people of Tokyo.

 

Light had watched them go and then turned to L. “I can’t give you your real present right now [in this T-rated fic] but there’s something back downstairs for you just from me.”

 

They headed downstairs to L’s rooms and Light covered L’s eyes as he walked in. “Ta da!”

 

L opened his eyes and gasped. “You do love me...” He was staring up at an enormous gumball machine that towered in the two-story room, completely filled with candy of every variety. It would take a long damn time for even L to get through it. He turned the crank and a rainbow speckled jawbreaker popped out, which he shoved in his mouth. He turned the crank again and a Toblerone bar popped out. He kept cranking and cranking until he was sitting on the ground amid a small mountain of sweets, smiling and sticky. He looked up at Light blissfully, mouth too full to speak.

 

“Glad you like it L.” He turned to Mello. “Hey Mello, if you go head down to the garage you can see your present from us.”

 

Mello squinted at him, “Huh? What is it...”

 

”Well...we kinda ruined your Mustang with all that yakuza blood before, so...yeah, we fixed it. And paid all your kamidamn traffic tickets too! How in the hell did you have 10k worth of tickets Mello??”

 

Mello just shrugged, giggling, “Thanks seme!” And ran out the door to head down to the garage, Light shaking his head after him. 

 

L finally swallowed his huge mouthful of candy and looked to Light. “So what did you get Beyond?”

 

Light went to the window, scanning for his little serial killer. He just had to follow the screams below, and laughed as he saw a firework explosion followed by Ryuk tag-teaming the fleeing people, dousing them with his blood-filled super soaker. “Oh nothing big, L.”

 

L didn’t like his tone of voice. “Uh oh. What....”

 

”Let’s just say not all those missles in your present are fireworks.” And on cue they heard a huge explosion somewhere in the distance. Light bit his smiling lip, “Ooops.”

 

L just sighed, and turned the crank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mello says ‘Thanks seme!’ because the original license plate on the Mustang he stole was THXSEME. ;)
> 
> To be continued...


	3. Something to Admire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys ponder Christmas fireside under the stars. Fluffy feels abound.

After everyone had exhausted themselves with their toys and their havoc, Light had an idea that just the three of them should camp out of the roof tonight around a little sterno fire and roast marshmallows under the stars. It would be chilly, but they’d have the fire and each other to keep them warm.

 

So L had Watari dig out three sleeping bags while Beyond grabbed stuff to make s’mores, and Light set up the campfire. In no time, L had a marshmallow on a stick over the fire, Beyond’s gazing up at constellations in a clear winter sky from L’s lap. 

 

Light went to stand on the edge of the roof, looking out over a night time Tokyo, glowing but quiet tonight. He spoke softly and let the wind carry his words, “L, how long has it been since we were standing here together in handcuffs...?”

 

L looked up at him, watching the breeze lift and caress Light’s hair, “About four months Light.” He pulled the marshmallow off the fire and slid it off the stick, popping it into Beyond’s open mouth. Back to Light, “And I still don’t like you standing on the wall any more than I did then. Come sit here by the fire with us.”

 

Light turned around with a smile and hopped off the wall, going over to sit close behind L and embracing him. He rested his chin on L’s shoulder and gazed into the blue sterno flame. “Four months. It’s incredible to think all that’s happened in that time. And now we’re sitting here together, not trying to kill each other or anyone in particular, just celebrating Christmas.”

 

Beyond held his mouth open for another toasted marshmallow from L, but L ate it this time instead with a smirk. He looked up to Light instead, “Seems odd for you to celebrate Christmas, Light.” He grinned, red eyes flashing, “Given you tolerate no other gods.”

 

Light laughed softly. “I’ll make exceptions for long-dead ones whose birthdays...give me an excuse to spend time with the two people who mean the most to me in the world.”

 

Beyond’s sarcastic grin faded into soft emotion  and a toasted marshmallow suddenly appeared in front of Light’s mouth. “Sharing, L? And here I thought Christmas was just an excuse for you to eat every candy in sight.”

 

L turned his head slightly over his shoulder, “You know I love you if I’m sharing sugar with you Light-kun.” Light reached forward and ate the marshmallow, perfectly toasted as only L would permit, melted inside and caramelized outside. 

 

Light stroked down L’s arm and reached over to touch Beyond’s face tenderly. “And does it mean anything to you?”

 

“It didn’t used to. I used to hate the idea that we weren’t really alone down here.” Beyond leaned into his touch and smiled, “But I could see it might come to mean something...now.”

 

Light stroked his fingers into Beyond’s hair, “There’s something to admire in that dead god. Something to admire in what they tried to do...what Castor and Pollux tried to do.”

 

L carefully strung three marshmallows onto his stick and held it over the fire again. Leaning back into Light, “And what is it you admire them for?”

 

”They were willing to die to try to save people, create something better. They had a vision beyond mortality. Even in death, they inspire people. It’s a kind of immortality.” He nuzzled L’s neck and smiled. “Not the kind I’m hoping for obviously.”

 

L looked up at Gemini, those twins that tried, finding their stars amidst apologies, amidst neighbors with no such hallowed provenance. “Wouldn’t it be something if all the stars were people who’d tried?” He looked back down at the marshmallows, turning them in the flame.

 

“Kira won’t be a star.” Light found Gemini too. “Kira will be a comet that wipes the sky away.”

 

Beyond giggled, “Like the one that killed all the dinosaurs?”

 

Light poked him in the chest playfully, “Better watch out before you end up extinct.”

 

”Oooohh I’m scared. The mean old comet’s mad at me.”

 

Light laughed harder then scooted around to gaze into shinigami eyes upside down. “Brace for impact.” And he leaned down and kissed him in L’s lap, just happy and soft.

 

L pulled the marshmallows out of the fire and Beyond sat up, grabbing the stuff for s’mores. “Here, let me make that. I know how.”

 

L passed him the stick and snuggled closer to Light as Beyond squashed together chocolate and graham cracker and marshmallows. “We don’t really need Christmas for this, I feel the way you described every day Light.” He tilted his head back, stargazing again. “Every day for the past four months.” Beyond handed him a s’mores and he nibbled at it contentedly. “Some dead god never held much appeal...,” he turned to look at Light. “...but a live one?”

 

Light smirked at him, “Oh so that’s why you love me huh? You want some wishes granted or something?” He took a s’mores too and bit in, chocolate oozing out the sides.

 

L nodded seriously. “I think one usually gets three wishes in such situations.”

 

Light tilted his head, “Pray tell.”

 

L licked his fingers, having finished off the s’mores in three bites. “Wish number one. We’ll always be together on Christmas.”

 

Light nodded, “Easy enough. I don’t intend to let either of you out of my sight for long.” He pulled Beyond closer to his other side. “Number two?”

 

L gave him a little smile behind his thumb. “Wish two. You kiss me.”

 

Light released Beyond and pulled L into his lap so they were nose to nose. “Granted anytime.” He pressed L closer, pulling his face down to meet his lips, smiling when he heard L hum happily into their kiss. After a moment he pulled back and looked deeply into black-rimmed eyes. “And the last wish?”

 

L gazed down at Light, adoring but teasing, “For a million more wishes of course.”

 

Light laughed, giving Beyond an eye roll, “Yeah you would, wouldn’t you? So demanding, L.”

 

“That’s why you love me Light.” He took Beyond’s hand and held it to his lips. “Why you love us both.”

 

Light gathered them both close, feeling invincible, more god now than man, and whispered, “I do love you both....thank you for believing in me.” 

 

And the stars shone down on the three, as they once had on gods now dead or among them, twinkling their knowledge of the comet soon to fly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope that fulfilled your fluffy prompt Shiuwol!
> 
> And so ends this holiday crack fluff trainwreck, I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas or whatever you are celebrating! 
> 
> <3 ZJ


End file.
